Most negotiations do not fail because people disagree. They fail because we mistake politeness for commitment.
Yes may only mean that the other person heard you.
You’re right may be a polite way to end the conversation.
That’s right is different. It means the other person recognizes their own situation in your summary.
That distinction matters. In Chris Voss’s Never Split the Difference, that’s right is not the close. It is the point where the other person finally feels understood, and where the negotiation can move from listening to action.
The next step is not to push for agreement. It is to pause, uncover the real constraint, and ask how to move forward.
Three phrases, three meanings
| Phrase | What it usually means | What to do next |
|---|---|---|
| Yes | They may understand, agree temporarily, or simply want the conversation to end. | Check the commitment: who will do what, and by when? |
| You’re right | You have won the argument, but they may be trying to end the discussion. | Stop explaining. Go back to understanding their concern. |
| That’s right | Your summary accurately describes their situation. They feel understood. | Pause, listen for the missing constraint, then ask how to move forward. |
Why that’s right matters
People rarely reveal the full problem at the start of a negotiation. They first protect their position. They explain the deadline, defend the budget, or repeat what they have already promised someone else.
When you summarize their situation accurately, they may respond with that’s right. That is not a concession. It is recognition. They are confirming the problem as they experience it.
That moment often brings out the detail that matters most:
- the deadline is tied to an executive review;
- the budget cannot move, but the scope can;
- the person asking for the change does not control the final decision.
Do not rush past that detail. What they say next is usually more valuable than the phrase itself.
What to do next
1. Pause
Do not immediately turn understanding into agreement. That creates pressure.
Let the silence work. Give them room to add what they have not said yet.
2. Name the new constraint
A short label shows that you heard the important part without arguing with it:
It sounds like Thursday is the real deadline, not the original two-week promise.
If they correct you, listen. If they confirm it, continue.
3. Ask how
Do not ask whether they accept your proposal. Ask a question that makes them solve the problem with you:
- How can we make Thursday work without pretending the feature is finished?
- What can we change while protecting the outcome you need?
- How should we explain this to the customer?
Questions beginning with how move the conversation from positions to options. They also keep the solution partly in their hands.
4. Summarize the plan
Once they suggest a path, repeat it in plain language. Make the plan specific:
- who acts;
- what happens next;
- when it happens;
- what happens if the plan meets resistance.
If they confirm the plan as well, you have moved from agreement about the problem to agreement about the plan.
The negotiation is not finished yet
That’s right is the start of influence, not the close. A plan becomes real only when behavior changes.
Before ending, verify the action:
- Is someone responsible?
- Is there a time?
- Does everyone affected know?
- Can the person explain what happens next?
If they offer only a verbal yes, keep checking. If they respond that you’re right, you probably pushed too soon. If they confirm that your summary is accurate, pause and ask how.
The goal is not to make someone agree with you. The goal is to understand the real problem well enough that both sides can take the next useful action.